ratatitat journals

2009-03-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

MOUTHPIECE

They wanted to create so many changes
They can't fight for them all by themselves
They are very weak in front of this strong wind
So they want me to be their mouthpiece
As if I can effect changes overnight,
When they start to see support, when they can see I can carry their cause
They want me to carry the load and make changes right away
I am very new..
Although I feel their enormous respect
I cannot make changes that fast.. it will take time
It has been a long years of neglect
Then they expect an exodus in a day
I am not a superhero
I only have good intentions.

Whenever I see this strong wind
What comes to my mind is this:
You cannot teach old dogs new tricks..they will bite you

They are so proud with their very long years of experience
They would not admit it, but they are used of having the power
The person who would always have the last say....

A new person or any person can't take that away from them
It would take a revolution
But in this situation , I just wish for miracles
At least in that way, they could have the self respect intact..
I respect them for the many years they served the organization

However, I believe that good leaders are not only capable to provide directions
But must also be capable to MOTIVATE

My co workers-people with disabilities must be very confused.
While they define empowerment of people with disabilities to be those PWD
capable of finding work in the mainstream
Here I am working with them...
I still think that line of thinking is still not empowerment.. it is still a sign of low self esteem
Why? Is working with people with disabilities a very low job?
Empowerment starts here..believing in each other

Well no one knows where I am coming from..
What I wanted really is respect
And for me empowerment... is getting out in a situation if you are no longer happy
And finding that place where you would feel belongingness and fulfillment...
One should not be afraid to get out from something..and look for a change

2008-07-23T03:57:00.000-07:00

An Ideal Man

I want a man who does not spend most of his time talking.
But someone who spends his time using his hands to build or create something.

I want a man who does not give so much effort to convince others that he is right
I want a man who spends time listening to others and is interested in their ideas.
A person who seldom speaks, but when he does people believe on him.

I want a man who does not show his power
By making a woman obey or agrees with him
A man who respects women
And sees them as co-equals in thoughts and in deeds
Not someone who claims that he is someone progressive
And yet does verbal and physical assault on women…

I want a man who does not tell me who is the author of this book and that, the ideas of various philosophers and who were the presidents of the United States.
Because I am not that smart
I want to listen to man who knows the root causes of the injustices in the world
And at the same time can also talk about a telenovela or a funny experience that
had happened during the day.

I want a man who believes in science
But at the bottom of his heart he believes in God….or at least doubts that GOD does not exist.

I want a man who can defend me and who is not a coward.
Someone who knows when to retreat and when to fight
I want a man who seems arrogant but gentle inside.

I want a man who could be easily pleased by merely cooking him a food.
I want a man who is funny
Someone who does not joke at my expense.

I want a man I can request to do some errands
A man I can ask to fix the rooftop
A type of man I will definitely and gladly serve with all my heart.

I want a man not easily rattled
A man who can maintain presence of mind in times of emergency.

Maybe it is impossible to find a man who has all these qualities.
Well I will just dream that he exists…

2008-07-03T00:59:00.000-07:00

the picture was taken from the internet, the website I

cannot remember

But hate is not the opposite of love

Fear is the opposite of love

Fear that is usually nurtured by ego

The ego that refuses to get intimate or get closer

to another human being

The ego that refuses to be reminded that one can trust

and love another person

The ego that keeps on saying ... you do not need

anybody

The ego that makes us proud...

Fear is the opposite of love...

2008-06-06T04:03:00.000-07:00

Still in the Boundaries

There are people who project through laughter and smile

That everything is fine, everything is cool….

But in the deepest part of their heart

They truly hate themselves.

There are people who waste a lot of things, even friendship

Because they thought they have everything

They always said they can live the lives they used to live

The same life, the same old feeling of loosing someone…but feeling the vacuum

There are people who have some issues within themselves

That they admit and recognize…but refuse to change

Some pretend it’s a part of their being that they cannot control

But actually selective in situations when “being out of control”

There are always reasons for these behaviors

Some were just results of others’ behavior… even way back in the past

But I think these people are still in the boundaries

Where one can still see a greater light

It is a struggle…it is a constant struggle to be sane

It is a constant struggle to be good

And for those who are still in the boundaries

I truly hope they won’t miss a good opportunity given to them

Opportunities that they can only see through humility…..

2008-05-15T02:47:00.000-07:00

PILGRIMAGE TO AUSTRIA

When I was told by Misty that I will go to Austria, deep inside I was not really excited. Of course I felt that I should be very happy because they chose me and had given me such great opportunity, an opportunity all my co workers in the office would be very happy to have if given the chance. For me, it was more of following an instruction rather than being happy of hearing the good news. So I pretended that I was really excited and delighted. I felt I was not in the position to say no to this trip given the fact that I knew Misty would ask the reason why and I would not be able to justify my answer.

It was more of fear why I had such apprehension. It was fear of being separated from Amiel, fear of riding in airplanes, fear of walking far distances because I knew I would experience that in Austria, fear of not seeing my family and friends for a long time, fear of being in unfamiliar and far place…fear of what would happen to me there….

My first week in Austria was really difficult. It was too cold and I had very few clothes I brought with me. My shoes were not appropriate for such weather. Everyday my stomach aches because of adjustment to different kinds of food. Every now and then my body trembles due to cold winds and I felt so weak. I walked 7 kilometers everyday to go to the venue or join the guided tours around the city. This might be very enjoyable to some but to me it was a challenge and a difficult task. Worst, at first I did not like some of my Filipino companions…I felt I would not be able to make friends with them. Their actions and comments were irritating to me and yet I stayed quiet to prevent more conflicts with them given the fact we were just starting the journey.

Everyday we have to go to different places and organizations like organizations catering for women, children, refugees, feeding centers for street people, gypsies, places/parks were drug addicts hang out, parishes, youth organizations, children carol singers raising funds for our projects, farmers etc. In these organizations, I repeatedly introduced TFDP and explained our work to them especially the human rights situation in the Philippines. At first I noticed that the organizers of the trip were not very familiar with the human rights condition in the Philippines because they only had their exposure on the issues of mining and IPs and the work of the KUMARE ( a women organization). These are organizations where Austrian KAPINTIG group went to in their exposure in the Philippines. This was the reason that they know some of my companions and had already established deep relationship with them.

Their interest grew in human rights when they heard our presentation . Maybe masyado madrama nai-present pero yun ang mga facts eh. They commented that they were impressed with our presentation in the university students, and also during the benefit concert and requested me to be the first one to present human rights issues during our meeting with the Governor of Styria and the meeting with the parliament member of the European Union. Actions were planned out as result of our meeting with the EU. I also took the opportunity during our meeting with the KFB ( Catholic Women’s Movement) to ask them for the possibility of funding women victims of human rights violations and they said there might be possibility , I will just have to try..

Alongside these events were also opportunities to visit the churches. Everyday and every place I go, there was the sign of the cross. I thought this country is just like Philippines…so many symbols of the Catholic faith. In every place I go there was a big and beautiful church but they said very few Austrian are actually going to church. Even in all the places we slept , in all the rooms that we had… there was the cross sign.. I just thought to myself the sign is everywhere. Everyday i see the sign in almost all corners.

One day we had an evaluation for our first two weeks in Austria. Our facilitator asked us to go outside and look at the trees and flowers before we start our evaluation. When I was outside I started to look at the trees and the flowers. I looked at them closely and said to myself they were very beautiful. And then suddenly I felt overwhelmed…tears came out from my eyes..I felt GOD is talking to me through the trees and the flowers..I felt he is saying to me look at these flowers and you will know and understand my greatness…this was your opportunity to really look at the flowers and notice me again… they seemed to be telling me let go of my fears and baggages …then I realized going to Austria was indeed an opportunity…. It was a gift from GOD….as if he is making his presence known to me again through this trip…. I felt incredibly in awe. While I shared this to our group I could not help but cried again. In the Philippines, I never had the time to really look at the flowers and trees.

On the date of my birthday, they said that we will go to the place they call “the SOURCE”. When we were still in the vehicle, I thought to myself this place might be located in the side of the hill. After two hours trip we arrived in the place and it was indeed located in the side of the hill. And I actually dreamt of a house in the hill before I went to Austria . I looked out at my bedroom window and I was overwhelmed again to realize that It was just like in my dream. The bedroom window was in the same location. In that place we had meditations and two old women were the ones facilitating these activities. Well I thought what is this place? I had question before since I was in high school and this was “what is the source of all things?” When we were about to leave the house, one old woman hug me and said to me you have such a very bright spirit and smiled to me .

The day before we went to Belgium, I suddenly had a fear attack but I could not identify the source or the reason.. I just felt bad things will happen.. I prayed so hard to GOD that he will take care of me and my love ones. I prayed to him that as an assurance and as a sign I wish to see red flowers when I went out of the hotel where we checked in the night before. When we went outside of the hotel, I immediately went to a table near to put my bag and while waiting for the rest of my companions I put down my bag and raised by head.. there in front of me were bunch of very red flowers.. I do not know the name of the flowers. I just felt amazed. This might be the sign to stay calm.

I felt GOD helped me survived and coped up with the trip to Austria. He is in the people who walked slowly, held my arms and hands to help me walk the long kilometers so I can go to many places, the people who carried my heavy bags, the person who helped me get up when I fell down in the floor, the person who carried me in his back because my feet were already numb because of the snow. The person who calm me down when I heard my son was sick and the peopIe who invited us to their homes and offered us their food. I could not believe that are still many nice and good people in this world…. I felt GOD reminded me of that in this trip. And by doing so he reminded me that he truly exists. He symbolizes all my good hopes.

I really felt that this trip to Austria was truly a gift…it was also a pilgrimage for me.

2008-04-02T03:31:00.000-07:00

People are Suckers

People are selfish in different ways.

There are people who suck out energies from you in different manners.

People who want to spend almost the entire time (in almost all instances with the person) , you listening to them

Listening to their pains, their heartaches….

Some would want you to listen to them so that you would appreciate how intelligent they are

Of how much they know about almost everything…..everything about this world

Because when the time comes when you would speak out and get the spotlight

They can’t afford to give you the length of time they usually want to have for themselves.

They can’t stand to listen long…the way they want you to listen to them.

When the topic is no longer about them, they tend to say goodbye.

Some would take advantage of your weaknesses and exploit you.

Those who get something from you because they know you like them too much to say no.

There are people who remember you only in times of despair…

Those who remember you when they can’t be together with people they want to be with.

Those would remember you if they got no money and they want you to treat them out.

There are those who use you as a buffer

They want you to take the blame even though the mistake is really theirs.

They wash their hands…… they do not want to be accountable

Those who want to put all their anger to you because they can’t put it to the person that they are really angry with…Because they like the person too much.

And if there are victories you have achieved …these people would want to be identified as a major part of that victories.

There are people who are just there with you because they have no other options.

And if options come, they say goodbye….and no longer contact you anymore.

And then they contact you again…. When there are no options again.

There are those who visit your house because they can’t find a cheaper place to date...or if they want to kill time before going to their date.

I do not say I am not one of these people.

In many instances in my life….. I am also a selfish person

But sometimes I feel heartbroken……..

I have not met a person who finds happiness giving out her/his energies to others

Maybe I would not find them because their energies are also drained.

Drained by the people who are sucker of energies.

I just wish I would have lots and lots of energies ….

I just wish I have lots and lots of love….. for these people

I do not wish to loose love………

I wish it will be replaced every time they would suck them out.

2008-03-28T04:20:00.000-07:00

what makes you tick?
what makes me tick?
nasira relo ko...
Di ko alam kung paano maaayos..at maaayos pa kaya?

2008-02-12T00:40:00.000-08:00

Sa katagalan ng hindi ko pagsusulat sa blog ko nakalimutan ko password ko at buti na lang nakapagsulat ako ulit....

Since Valentines Day...natuwa ako sa dati kong isinulat nung 2005 o 2006 sa www.ratatitat.blogspot.com at gusto kong dagdagan...

GANUN LANG TALAGA

May mga bagay talaga dito sa mundo na hindi pwedeng maging sa yo.
Mas masaya ka kung kaibigan mo lang sila
Mas matatahimik ka kung ipagdadasal mo na lang
Mas madali ang buhay kung pababayaan mo lang
Mga bagay na pwede mo lang tingnan at sulyapan
Mga ngiting maaari mo lang baunin sa iyong pag-iisa
Mga alaala na pwede mo namang balik-balikan

Ganun lang talaga, mas maganda sila pag ganun lang
Mas magtatagal pag ganun lang
At sa araw-araw pwedeng mag-pyesta ang iyong mga mata
At sa araw-araw maiisip mo, maraming maganda pa rin sa mundo

---

At sa araw araw maiinspire ka
At sa araw araw lalakas ang loob mo
At sa araw araw maiisip mo hindi ka pala addict

May mga bagay na masarap lang talagang titigan
Kasi pwedeng maglaho kapag hinawakan mo na
May mga taong masarap lang talagang patawanin
Kasi nakaka praning kapag sila ang wala sa mood

Ganun lang talaga...marami palang bagay na espesyal kahit ganun lang talaga.

2007-08-15T22:08:00.000-07:00

Desire VS Dignity

I thought I could still prolong my constant giving in to desire... I said another one more year.
But dignity prevailed...............
I dropped the banana while it is hot.
I like to hold the banana while it is hot.
But well.... I dropped it!

And the most wonderful of all... I have this strength right now of NOT CARING.

2007-08-01T03:48:00.000-07:00

Some Sad thoughts

- I heard few nights ago from TV Patrol that a young couple who are about to get married this December was hold-upped while in a passenger jeep in Novaliches. The girl was shot dead and her boyfriend could have been dead also if only the gun had worked properly. I saw the picture of the girl and she was very beautiful and so sexy.

- I watched a pirated movie of happy feet. Just minutes before the ending, when the humans were getting out from a helicopter to see the community of penguins, the cd was no longer working.

- I do not know why the book of Harry Potter is Bestseller. I never liked the Harry Potter movie.

- I learned that female dragons are fertile for only a month once in a year and dragons mate once in every seven years. These dragons (both female and male dragons) spent many days incubating their eggs. Mother dragons spent many years raising her young and then their young was killed by humans.

- I heard also from TV Patrol that the penis of a man aged 21 years old was cut by his wife because of jealousy.

- I availed an insurance because I was attracted to the hospitalization benefits. I found out later that dreaded diseases are not covered. Hypertension is considered dreaded disease.

- I seldom buy books because they are expensive…but last week I bought 4 books. And then I learned I do not like the contents of the books and they are so boring……. now they are sitting in my table.

- My son was bullied yesterday by his classmate…

- People from my past are starting to disappear one by one … little by little….. I am staring to forget their face.

- I got more sad thoughts than happy moments

Some happy moments

- My son laughed so hard when he saw himself in the mirror without two teeth. I pulled his two teeth because they were already moving and his new teeth are starting to grow.

- We (amiel and I) finished 2 cds ( 9 movies each) of JET LI

- I had a 45 minutes full body massage

- I was able to pay my rent for August this morning… once again I have one month of comfort

2007-03-12T03:38:00.000-07:00

Nalipasan

Akala ng taong eto kakain pa ako.... hindi na.... nalipasan na ako!!!!

Pagod na akong kumain ng pinipilit!!

Pag nagugutom naman nalilipasan!!!

Sa yo na ang bananaque mo...........

2006-10-25T02:01:00.000-07:00

Mess

Sobra na yata ang sitwasyon ko
Sa gabi di makapagtulog, mabigat ang kalooban sa lahat ng mga bagay
Feeling ko kaaway ko ang mundo
Tapos ang heavy pa ng feelings ko
Kasi sunod-sunod counseling ko sa mga families ng victims ng involuntary desappearance
Kahindik hindik ang kanilang mga naging karanasan... syempre ngayong panahon na ito alam nyo na
kung gaano kagarapal ang human rights violations
Nagiging paranoid tuloy ako, sa gabi paulit ulit nagrerewind ang mga kwento ng biktima.
masyadong horrfying, gruesome.....Di mo maisip na mangyayari sa isang tao.
Dyos ko kailangan na yata ng himala dito.

Sa bahay naman, ang mga tao take ng take lang, ako naman give ng give
Kasi naman bakit ba kasi ganito ako katanga
kung 20% lang kaya nilang ibigay yun na lang ibibigay ko, papagod na ako e
Nasasagad na
Kahit naman anong ingat ang gawin mo, kung mawawala.... mawawala na lang talaga
No point na pilitin pa.
Pagod na akong mag settle for less......
Mahirap mag pretend... wala rin naman pala.

Sa work naman, parang masyadong compartmentalize
Dun sila, dito ako
Kung dyan ka... dyan ka lang..
Hindi mo pwedeng gawin yan, gawain nila yan
Hindi mo pwedeng isipin yan kasi may dapat kang ibang isipin.. may iisip na dyan
Para bang hindi buo.
E hindi ko naman napapabayaan ang specific task ko. Haay
Minsan parang nakakalimutan ko na kung bakit ba ako andito in the first place.
Yung cause kung bakit ako andito, parang ewan ko na...
E bakit ba ako nasa human rights org? para lang bang magsulat lang talaga?
Am I merely doing a task? a specific task.
E di sana dun na lang me nagsulat sa mga business magazine at kung anu-ano pa.
Minsan nagbigay ako ng suggestion kung paano pakakatulong sa pag raise ng food aid ng PPs
Na shoot down naman sa ere kasi hindi ko dapat daw isipin yon kasi may iisip na nun
May dapat daw kasi akong gawin.
E parang nakakataas ba eto ng moral? inspirasyon kaya? Feel good about what you are doing?
Meron kayang room dito ng personal initiative?
Tapos kapag may problema para bang andaling ituro ako e samantalang may mga hand din naman sila dun.
Dahil ba simpleng staff lang ako?
Tapos feeling ko kulang sa appreciation, wala me naririnig na appreciation.
Pero marami ako maririnig pag may palpak... haaay.
Ang mga tao may pinipili, may mga iniingatang santingin, meron namang sasantingin antime of the day.

Tapos di ko na yata kaya etong indipendence ko
3,500 na bahay, 1,200 na kuryente, 2,000 na yaya
pangaraw araw na pagkain, pamasahe at baon ni amiel
tuition ni amiel
Haaay, pag nagturo pa ng toy patay na! Pag nagyaya sa jollebee patay na ulit!
E magkano lang ba sweldo ko? puro deduction pa
Tapos kapag may nagbenta sa office naaawa naman akong di ko pagbilhan.

Haay naku ang laki ng problema ko.
Problema sarili mismo
Problema sa iba na wala akong lakas para baguhin.

Dati di ako masyado naniniwala sa luck
Pero ngayon sige ang taya ko sa loto
Sige ang ang taya sa kung anu-anong game, baka sakaling manalo....

2006-06-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

cross roads

its funny cause i always find myself in this kind of situation
sa personal at trabaho
sa personal, kung talaga bang i let go ko na ang mga dapat i let go
Anyway parang good as gone na rin naman
except for the memories......
Pero mahirap namang isipin nya na ginawa ko lang syang SO
kasi hindi naman talaga, parang lang... i hope he will forgive me
Mahina na kasi tuhod nya e, unlike before nung nasa 20s pa sya

Sa trabaho, tatanggapin ba o hindi
Ang hirap kasi nakakatakot tapos ang hirap maging duwag
At hindi na rin ako 100% aktibista, parang 10% na lang ata
Kasi mas gusto ko atang ihanda ang kinabukasan ni amiel
Pero malaking part sa akin gusto kong tumulong at ayaw kong pabayaan sila
Pero ang daming pero!

2005-12-07T22:51:00.000-08:00

AGONY

You’ve been like this in the past
In one point, you realized and accepted , it was hard
It was empty…and you can’t live without it
And you prayed so hard that it will return
And that you were willing to accept, even the less
Even if you will be the last...…
Even if it will hurt you so much….

Now, you thought it returned
You have been maintaining your cool
Thinking… it was nothing….
The hurt is nothing….
But it is something… it is difficult…

And now you are praying again so hard…
Everyday in your life… for a miracle

It is scary indeed….
Thinking that you will again face the future without it
You keep on blaming yourself
For the things that you thought you should have done
But you know deep inside, you have done so much
More than what you should have done in the first place

Its not yours…in this present time dimension….
Only the miracle can change what is present
Only the invisible hands can rewrite what was written
For he alone understood the past… your past

For many people, the past is just the past
But the past says who we really are
Many denied the past ……………………..
But of course its useless living it ………

I pray so hard…. that everything is nothing……
That I will feel nothing…………….

2005-11-29T03:13:00.000-08:00

HORROR

Bumili kami ng tape ng Exorcism of Emily Rose at pinanuod namin sa Cainta
Kala ko di ako maapektuhan dahil lagi namang walang effect sa akin ang horror movies dahil
siguro sa kakanood ng mga eto
Naku nakakatakot pala at lagi kong naaalala yung 3am
Well nung nasa Cubao na kami ni amiel sa aming bahay
Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko yun iisipin, aba e 12 midnight na e gising pa ako
sa kakaisip nung movie... tuloy takot na takot ako
Bigla ko tuloy naisip na mag-isip na lang ng ibang bagay... mag imagine ba
Aba effective pala.... sa tuwing may mga horror episode na gustong sumingit sa aking gunita
Papalitan ko ito agad ng ibang klaseng episode... aba effective pala.
Nawala ang takot ko.

2005-10-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

The gift of memory

Nakakainggit ang mga taong maraming naaalala
Kung baga matalas ang memory……………….
Lalo na yung ang mas naalala ay yung magagandang bagay
Mga mabubuting bagay na nangyari, mga mabuting nagawa ng mga tao
Dahil siguro hindi sila mas nalulungkot ngayon
Mas hindi nakaka depress ang buhay
Kaya siguro nag- aaway kami ng kapatid ko, ng tatay ko, ng nanay ko
Dahil short ang memory nila at short ang memory ko………
Pero sabagay kahit short ang memory ko, marami pa rin akong naaalala
Lalo na ang mga magagandang ginawa nila sa akin
Kaya siguro, kahit nag-away kami nung weekend, babalik pa rin kami dun ni amiel sa susunod na weekend……..

2005-10-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

NGAWIT

Nakakangawit
Nakakangawit sa panga
Nakakangawit kapag isa lang paa ang nakatayo
Nakakangawit din pati yung dalawalang paa na nakatayo
Lahat nangangawit
Buti na lang sandali lang

2005-09-21T03:04:00.000-07:00

Tarnished Angel

Sumama ako sa Intenational Day of Peace sa Q.C circle kanina
Doon medyo nakakwentuhan ko si Cathy, magmamadre daw sya
Sa aming pagkakatayo at pag-uusap, bigla kong naisip na sya ang angel
At ako naman ang tarnished angel……

Mukha yatang I am beginning to feel na nagkakaroon na yata ako ng “reputation”dito sa TFDP
Well, teka bakit yata kasi parang nagkakaroon na ng reputation si Ratatitat na….
Una, hindi naman ako sleeping around .. the corner….standing lang
Pangalawa, totoong maraming akong close encounter with Mr. Dick pero isa lang ang aking pinayagan… at yun ang ama ng anak ko.. yun ang una at ewan ko kung sya ang huli…..
I met him when I was 20 years old, now am 32 … naalala ko bigla ang kanta ni Sheryl Crow… sabi nya, now am 32 and I don’t know what I see in you…
Pangatlo, di ko kayang makipag-*** ng walang nararamdaman… na love…
o pagnanasa ?

Mahirap pala talagang I-verbalize what you feel and what you think dito sa Pilipinas
Kapag medyo green kang mag-isip… baka malapit lapit kang mabansagang slut!
Am just a girl with a wide imagination…este wild imagination……
May mga tao lang siguro na hindi prepared sa ganun o kaya di sanay
May mga tao na natutuwa pero ang tendency ay ihanay ka sa isang linya…
linya ng mga wild thing…

Pero mukha yatang nagkakaroon na ng reputation si Ratatitat
Minsan di ko alam kung dapat akong ma-amuse o maasar
Kasi sa totoo lang, minsan gusto kong I-live yung fullnest na image ni Ratatitat
Pero 1/3 lang ako sa image ni Ratatitat at ang ¾ ay imagination……
Pero ako pa rin yun…me and my imagination
sabi ko na nga ba parang may split personality na yata ako.

2005-09-07T22:25:00.000-07:00

Lick your Elbow

Di ko napigilan ngumiti nung makita ko sa trivia ni bananaririt na
“Its impossible to lick your elbow”
Then bigla kong naisip yung naikwento sa akin ni ikabod tungkol sa isang TFDP staff na
Naiinggit sa pusa kasi kaya nitong i-lick lahat ng parte ng kanyang katawan
Well kaya pala ginawa talaga ng Diyos ang mga tao.. dahil hindi nito kayang gawin mag-isa lahat ng bagay sa kanyang sarili
Somebody has to do it for you ..…
Pwera na lang kung ikaw yung sinasabi ni Misty na contortist ba yun? Basta yung marunong magremborak……

2005-09-05T01:35:00.000-07:00

Mga Panaginip

Siguro nasa isip lang pero minsan nakakapagtaka naman
May mga dreams akong parang nagkakatotoo
Kagabi lang nanaginip ako na nag-crash ang isang airplane habang pa-take off
Kitang kita ko na naka slant ( take-off position)pa lang sya nang magcrash
Ang nag rehistro sa akin dalawa actually na airplane ang nag-crash
Tapos biglang may nagsabi sa panaginip ko na air Philippines…..
Di ko pinansin pero kanina pumasok ako sa finance bigla na lang sinabi ni Rene na may nag crash na airplane sa Indonesia
Chinek ko sa msn. At sabi nga dun nag crash ang plane 1 minute after take off killing 117 people.

Well hindi exacto pero malapit… nagkataon lang siguro
Naalala ko dati nung di ko pa alam na buntis ako… puro buntis na babae ang napapanaginipan ko…..
Tapos nanaginip ako na lalaki raw ang anak ko… at lalaki nga.

One week bago bumangga ang mga airplane sa twin towers
Nanaginip ako na na gabi raw at punong puno ng mga stars sa kalangitan
Bigla na lang nagbagsakan ang mga bituin at habang bumabagsak ang mga ito
Nagiging kalansay…. Punong puno ng kalansay sa lupa , patong patong
Tinanong ko pa si dad kung ano ang bansang nagsisimbolo ng mga bituin
Ang sinagot pa nya ay Amerika dahil maraming stars sa flag nito..

Mga 1 week before nung malaking tidal wave nagkwento ako kay mommy na
Nanaginip ako ng dagat na palaki ng palaki ang alon at sobrang taas na..
Tinabunan nito ang maraming tao… pero mukhang mga Chinese kako ang natabunan
Kasi bakit sinkit ang mga mata…

At yung MZF proposal… nanaginip ako at nakita ko ang logo ng MZF at nakasulat dun na na-approve ang proposal.
Nagising ako sa text ni Maris na sinasabi dun na tawagan ko daw si Doc Au…
At nang tawagan ko nga si Doc Au, sabi nya na-approved daw ang MZF.

At sa tuwing mananaginip ako ng tae… walang sablay may pera na darating sa akin.

Marami akong napapanaginipan na numbers pero nagtataka ako bakit di ko sila maalala.

Naku baka isipin na ng mga tao na napapraning na me…
Pero minsan nakakapagtaka talaga…. O nagkataon lang..

2005-08-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

Trangkaso

Kailan ba yung huling malala kong trangkaso?
Nasa Balay pa ata ako…. Di ko matandaan
Tapos umulit ulit ngayon ……..
Pero ang hina ko talaga sa pain..iyak ako ng iyak
Parang mamamatay na ako
Nahihilo…
Nilalagnat… nanghihina… kinakalambre…..
F*****! AYOKO NA!

Ngayon andito ako sa TFDP
Kala ko kaya ko na
F******! Nahihilo pa rin ako!!!

2005-08-25T02:01:00.000-07:00

TEXT

Medyo gloomy ang araw, wala ang mga tao nasa Iloilo karamihan
Sa gitna ng aking kaantukan at ng gingawang proposal,
Biglang may nag text.. medyo familiar ang number pero di ko kilala at wala sa directory ko
Ang text nya ganito:

Usapan ng mag-ama:
Anak : daddy, cno ang mas mahal mo, ako o c momy?
Ama: Syempre ikw!
Anak: Sabi ko na e!, pg maginaw kinukumutan mo ako, pro c momy, hnuhubaran
m!

Nag-reply ako para dugtungan ng:

At hindi lang yon, binabasa mo pa!

Kaya lang check operator… di nag send

Anyway, kung sino man ang nag-text nito, eto KILALA ako nito.

2005-08-23T03:37:00.000-07:00

Nagbago

Marami na rin talagang nagbago
Ang hirap ng alalahanin ang mga dating nararamdaman na di mo na maramdaman ngayon
Bakit nga kaya?
Dati kasi kapag tinatawag ako ng crush kong professor sa Botany nung college ako, pagtayo ko sabay ding umaakyat ang dugo sa mukha ko… as in blushing…tapos na ang
Klase blushing pa rin..so wala ng dapat pag usapan, lahat ng classmate ko alam.. pati siguro yung professor na yon.

Pero bakit ngayon, kahit makita ko pa sigurong hubad ang mga gusto kong tao…wala!
Mangingiti siguro.. pero hindi mamumula… hindi manlalamig ang mga kamay…….
Nakaka-miss din yung ganung feelings…………….
San ba galing yung mga dugong umaakyat sa mukha dati?
Andun pa rin naman sila, bakit di na sila umaakyat? bumababa na lang yata.

2005-08-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

Painful Entry

Dry
Narrow
Estrogen level very low
When I decided to have this direction, for me and for my son....
It was a painful entry....

When we are there already I hope everything will fall into its proper places
Little by little, it will become smooth..easy....soothing....fast.
Time flies...its finish....

2005-08-18T02:06:00.000-07:00

Driver ng Jeep

Kahapon syempre sumakay ako ng jeep pauwi
As usual sa harap ako sumakay for security purposes... ang hirap talaga pag na papraning
Inaasahan ko na magbabagal sya para mag-abang ng sasakay na tao sa jeep nya
Pero nagulat na lang ako nang humarurut ng takbo, hindi pinapansin ang mga gustong sumakay
Kaskasero magpatakbo, walang pakialam sa lubak at sa isang ubod tandang babae na tumatawid
Parang muntik na nyang masagasaan ang braso
So tinakbo nya nga ang kahabaan ng e-rodriguez, hindi nagpapasakay
At yung way nya ng pagda-drive, parang ahas, tapos bigla biglang nagprepreno at bigla bigla ring tumatakbo
Malapit na halos kami sa Cordillera pero hindi pa rin sya nagsasakay
So nung tumigil kami sa araneta kasi nga naka red ang stop light bigla na lang huminto yung isang jeep
Sabi nung driver, aba bakit isa lang yang pasahero mo?
Sagot ng driver ng jeep na sinasakyan ko... pare arkelado .... at sabay ngiti kita ang mga ngipin..
Napahagod ako sa buhok na nagtataka... inarkela ko ba sya? sampung piso lang binayad ko.
E bakit nga kasi di ka nagsasakay? malakas kong sinabi sa kanya
Walang namang sinagot... puro ngiti lang
At pagdating sa kanto ng Cordillera, syempre pumara na ako
At pagbaba ko bigla syang nag-thank you.
Sa isip isip ko ang weird ng mundo!

2005-08-16T23:51:00.000-07:00

SIMPLE LIFE

We all want a simple life

Me? I just want to have a hot chocolate for breakfast
I want to have a fulfilling job..… like TFDP in some aspects………
I want to go home unharmed, nobody called hold-up inside the jeepney
I want my son to be healthy and finish his studies
I want to help my parents in many ways they want
I want to go home into a comfortable house
I want to pursue law school if I can or any course I have in mind
I want to watch dvd tapes before I sleep
I want to read books every weekend
I want to have a night out with my friends every friday
I want to …..….. every other day specially during rainy days.

2005-08-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

Not Applicable

I feel fortunate yesterday kasi nasa “tolerant mood” si ikabod
Kasi pauwi na kami e naitanong kung saan ba sya pupunta
Sabi nya manonood sya ng sine
Nasabi ko, di ka ba nalulungkot at nag-iisa kang manonood ng sine?
Nguniti lang…pero parang may lumalabas sa utak nya na sinasabi na, okey ka lang?
Nasabi ko rin na buti pa ang mga lalaki nagagawa nilang manood ng sine mag-isa, di sila natatakot
Sabi nya nagawa na daw nila... nanood sila ng CRUSH last week
Di ko naitanong kung sino sila, babae ba sila?

Anyway, dun ko lang naisip sa jeep na hindi applicable sa kanya ang aking question.

Bakit ba palaging nakakapag tanong ako sa mga tao ng hindi applicable sa kanila
Katulad ni Atty. Guevarra ba yon na natanong ko kung buntis sya sabay hawak sa tyan nya, yun pala hindi.
No wonder, hindi maka-relate si bananaririt sa akin minsan... o palagi ba?

2005-08-10T20:16:00.000-07:00

A Letter of courage

This letter might lead into something...good or worst!
You have your own judgement...
But anyway, who have the balls and bells to sign ?

2005-08-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

Sunshine

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take the sunshine away

We call this, a mood in a swing

2005-08-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

Trip trip lang

Ano ba ang trip trip lang para sa akin?
Kapag nagbitiw ka ng salita na alam mo kung ano pero di mo pinag-isipan
Pinag-isipan mo nga pero kulang
E ano naman you have the power at alam mong may mga basihan
Kapag namuna ka ng tao pero alam mo sa yo marami din namang dapat punahin
Kapag nagalit ka na late ang isang empleyado samantalang alam mo nale-late ka rin
Kapag sobrang higpit mo sa pagpapatupad ng policy samantalang may mga nilabag ka rin naman
Hindi nga lang alam ng iba na meron kang nilalabag o nilabag
Hindi naman sila nakatingin sayo 24 hours a day
Hindi naman sila ang magtatanong kung ano ang ginawa mo
Sapagkat ikaw ang magtatanong ng kung ano ang ginawa nila

Pero sino nga ba ang mahilig mag-trip?
Syempre ang mga boss, ang may mga kapangyarihan
Ang mga may kakayanang mag-trip

Ang mga tao sa gobyerno ginagamit nila ang batas sa kanilang advantage
At ang nasa gobyernno ay yaong mayayaman
At ang mga mayayaman mahilig mag-trip sa mahihirap
Dahil pwede, dahil kaya nila,
Dahil ano naman, nasa kanila ang power.

Pero ang trip trip lang nagyayari yan araw araw
Kahit saan
Kahit nga ako.. may mga bagay na ginawa ko na wala lang.. trip lang!
Pero minsan mali yata na paghaluin ko ang trip sa whims.
Kasi minsan parang pwedeng magkatulad, pero minsan hindi naman.

2005-08-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

Kiss

What is a kiss? It is a juxtaposition of two muscles anticipating more positions.

2005-08-04T20:28:00.000-07:00

Tag-ulan

Parang ang sarap mangabayo pag umuulan
Nababasa ng ulan ang ulo mo habang tumatakbo ka at nakasakay sa iyong kabayo
Tugudog..tugudog.. tugudog
Mas okey kung slow motion
At pupunta ka na naman sa taas ng bundok
Kung saan ang mata mo lang ang makakakita

2005-07-26T01:22:00.000-07:00

Paano nga ba?

Paano mo ba maipapakita na mahal mo ang isang tao?
Sabi nila actions are louder than words.... yan ha di na action lounder than voice, although pwede rin di ba?
Therefore, kung walang words e di action ... tongue in motion. It should be tongue in motion!

Kung mahal ko ang isang tao I would not use the tip of my tongue. It should be the middle of the tongue.

For those na di ko mahal, tip of the tongue lang.

2005-07-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

GANUN LANG TALAGA

May mga bagay talaga dito sa mundo na hindi pwedeng maging sa yo.

Mas masaya ka kung kaibigan mo lang sila
Mas matatahimik ka kung ipagdadasal mo na lang
Mas madali ang buhay kung pababayaan mo lang

Mga bagay na pwede mo lang tingnan at sulyapan
Mga ngiting maaari mo lang baunin sa iyong pag-iisa
Mga alaala na pwede mo namang balik-balikan

Ganun lang talaga, mas maganda sila pag ganun lang
Mas magtatagal pag ganun lang

At sa araw-araw pwedeng mag-pyesta ang iyong mga mata
At sa araw-araw maiisip mo, maraming maganda pa rin sa mundo

2005-07-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

LANGITNGIT

Ang mga anino sa dilim, nagpapaligsahan
Gumagalaw at sumasayaw sa tugtog
Na sila mismo ang gumawa…..

Lumalangitngit na kama, mga halinghing
Mga hiningang tila naghahabol sa hangin
Mga salitang di halos maintindihan

Kung kaya’t tinakpan ng mga palad
Ang kanilang mga bibig
At walang sino man sa kanila ang maaaring magsalita

Wala na halos marinig na tunog
Ngunit natira pa rin ang langitngit ng kama
Wala na sigurong magagawa pa…………

Antayin na lang na humupa ang init
Manumbalik ang katahimikan
Kung saan maaari nang tanggalin
Ang mga palad sa kanilang mga bibig

( Ang hirap gumawa ng tula, tula ba kaya eto?)

2005-07-12T02:22:00.000-07:00

SWEETEST MOMENTS

Episode 1
Background …kakatapos ko lang magbigay ng orientatation sa isang urban poor community. Nakatayo ako sa isang gilid habang umaambon. Lumapit ang isang lalaki at sinabing “ miss, wag ka dyan.. umaambon, baka magkasakit ka”. Mula noon tuwing umuulan, pinatatabi nya ako o kaya pinapahiram ang panyo nya para ilagay sa ulo ko.
Hanggang dumating sa point na ako na ang nagpapahiram ng panyo para sa ulo nya.

Episode 2
Lumuwas ang bf kong taga cavite na hindi masyadong marunong dito sa Manila. Kumain kami sa isang fast food. Nag-aalok ako na hati na lang kami sa bayad pero ayaw tapos nilabas ang makapal na 20 pesos na medyo lukot lukot pa. Tinanong ko sya saan nya kinuha yuhg mga pera na yon… sabi nya pinagtrabahuhan nya raw sa palengke para may pang date kami.

Hinatid ko sa Baclaran LRT kasi nga di marunong dito pero pagkahatid ko di rin pumayag na hindi ako ihatid so inihatid ulit ako sa Sta. Cruz. Mga dalawang balik na hatiran lang bago ko napapayag na wag na akong ihatid.

Episode 3
Kumakain kami sa isang bar ng isang guy tapos bigla na lang tumugtog, di ko maalala kung ano yung music pero new wave. Bigla na lang tumayo yung kasama ko tapos nagsayaw….mag-isa lang sya sa dance floor. Medyo mataas din kasi sya kaya naabot nya ng kamay yung ceiling habang nakatingin sa akin, nag-ala macho dancer na hindi naman masyadong masagwang tingnan, cute lang ang dating.

Tuwang tuwa yung mga tao sa kanya at pinalakpakan. May isang tao sa ibang table na lumapit sa amin at sinabing .. “ sasagutin naming yung bill nyo kung pwedeng sumayaw ulit etong kasama mo”. Aba e sumayaw ulit ang loko kaya nalibre tuloy kami.

Episode 4

Minsan sinabi ko sa bf ko na may sinagot na akong iba
Cool pa rin ang loko at sabi pa… talaga, sama mo ako sa date mo at ipakilala mo sa akin
Pero maya-maya lang, para kamong nagdedeliryo habang sinasabi…
Gusto ko ako lang, gusto ko ako lang… gusto ko ako lang!!!

Episode 5
Nagkalabuan kami ng bf ko so hindi kami nagpapansinan sa isang party. Actually by that time one month na kaming di nag-uusap.
Bigla kamong tumugtog yung kantang habang may buhay
Aba lumapit at inaabot ang kamay ko at sabay sabing …can I dance with you?
Sa isip ko lang… akala ko ba pang high school lang ang ganitong sitwasyon

2005-07-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

Longing for an explosion

Today I feel tired and very confused!
Very low energy!
I am longing for that explosion…..
Kung saan I will feel high, alive and dreamy
Kung saan I would cry without reasons at all… with matching hagulgol!
Kung saan I will feel very inspired, adrenalin shooting up!
Kung saan I could do a lot of things, productive things!

I am longing for that explosion….
I have done that several times before…
I missed it so much!!!
Sa Saturday kaya???

2005-07-03T21:36:00.000-07:00

The Hair down there

Kahapon, di ba Lingo? gumagawa kami ni Doc Au ng proposal

Nakaramdam ako na naiihi na ako so nagpunta ako sa CR, pagdating ko dun di ako makaupo kasi may isang pubic hair sa bowl. Alam naman natin itsura ng pubic hair di ba? parang patay na buhok. So ang ginawa ko hinipan ko muna para matanggal.

Well, pero may isa pang way to get rid of a pubic hair... PWE! pag di pa rin Pwe ulit!

2005-07-01T03:53:00.000-07:00

Close encounter with the Manyakis

Yung experience kagabi, bumalik na naman kasi yung mga memories ko sa mga taong manyakis.

Naikwento ko na eto sa inyo dati pero ilagay na lang natin dito sa blog.

Ang dami ko kasing experience dyan like yung minsan na galling ako sa St. Scho at sumakay ako sa isang LRT, dahil sa lumilipad ang isip ko, di ko namalayan na may humihipo na pala sa pwet ko, aba e namalayan ko lang nung nilalamukot na pala eto at napa-aray na ako. Pero paglingon ko nag-atrasan lahat ng lalaki. Di ko tuloy alam kung sino.

Minsan naman sa jeep, tinutusok ng lalaki ng siko nya yung ribs ko, akala nya siguro yun yung breast ko, e ang sakit na, di naman ako makasigaw, di naman ako makapagsalita.. aba e ang laking mama tapos nakatungo pa. Nilabanan ko na lang ng siko ko pero talo ako.. malakas, dapat dun talaga sinisigawan pero hindo ako nakasigaw.

Bumaba na lang ako sa ginta ng Quezon Ave. kahit sa Philcoa pa talaga punta ko. Sakay ulit ako papuntang Philocoa, pero pagdating Philcoa sumakay ako sa isang tricycle. Nagulat na lang ako yung kanang paa ng driver nasa loob ng tricycle at nakabandage, para ba akong naka-mike at nagre-recording sa loob. Anyway magaling ang driver kahit isang paa lang ang pang-kambyo nakaratin naman ako sa pupuntahan ko.

Isang beses naman may taxi driver na may hiwa sa mukha na ayaw akong pababain sa taxi kahit pinapatigil ko na at sinabi kong wala akong pambayad. Lagi nya lang sinasabi na nakakagigil daw ako at sya na daw ang bahala sa akin. Buti na lang nakatakas ako sa Cubao.

Ang pinaka malala ay yung dalawa lang kami sa jeep ng isang lalaki at umuulan pa. Nasa tapat ko lang sya at bigla na lang tumitig sa akin at dahang dahang pinasok ang kamay nya sa short nya- mukhang galing sa pagbabasket-ball. Maya-maya lang nagmumumustra na para bang nakikipagtalik. Nag-aala macho dancer na sa tapat ko. Ako naman nakatingin lang sa kanya, hindi ko makuhang magmura o bumaba, ewan ko ba. Maya-maya lang makikita sa mukha nya na tapos na sya. Ano ba kasing problema ng mga taong eto at ano rin ba problema ko at hindi ako naka-react.

Yung isa, kakapakilala lang sa akin bigla na lang pinakita yung etits nya nung kami na lang ang nag-uusap at pahahawakan pa sana. Umatras ako at lumayo agad. Aba naman ang liit at ang payat! Ang lakas ng loob maging manyakis.

Pero ako may mga nagagawa din naman pero hindi ko sinasadya like minsan na-trap yung hinlalaki ng daliri ko sa paa sa pagitan ng pwet ng isang lalaki sa baba ng estribo , at ilang beses na ba na habang sini-sway ko ang aking kamay sa paglalakad sa SM ay nadadampian ko yung ari ng lalaki na nasa likod ko. Pero aba hindi naman sinsadya ang mga ito.

Yung mga manyakis, sinasadya nila

2005-06-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

Sa Poste ng kuryente

Kagabi lang nung nakasakay na ako sa harap ng jeep, sa kanto ng St. Marys’, dun ba sa 7-11, E na nakita ko yung mama na pumunta sa poste at binuksan ang kanyang zipper, iihi ata.

Habang umiihi sya bigla ring may lumapit na mama at hinawakan sa likod ang lalagyan ng kanyang sinturom kasama ang kanyang brief.

Hinatak nya ang likod ng lalaki pa- backward tapos forward, tapos backward tapos forward ulit, mga naka-7 hanggang sampu ata na ganun lang.. backward tapos forward. Meron kayang butas dun sa poste?

Aba e tiningnan ko ang mga mukha nila, pareho namang nakangiti. Nag-eenjoy na yata sila ng lagay na yon.

Hindi uso PDA dito sa atin, pero pagtumira naman, talagang wow! Bakit ba ako laging nakaka-witness nito?

May biglang pumasok sa isip ko pero reserve ko yan mamaya sa isa pang post ko rito sa ratatitat.

2005-06-29T01:53:00.000-07:00

Tingin mo?

Kapag ikaw ba ay isang feminista, sasampalin mo ba ang isang taong nampupunit ng panty mo?
O makikipunit ka na rin? Para patas na lang. Aba e sayang, soen din yun!

2005-06-29T01:24:00.000-07:00

Unforgetable Jokes

Mahirap pala talaga tumawa kapag di ka sanay sa taong nag-jojoke.

Kagabi habang nakikipag-inuman ang tatay ko sa isang lasenggo, bigla syang nag-joke na hindi naman nya ginagawa kapag di sya nakainom kasi lagi syang pormal.

Sabi nya- may mga nanay raw na nagpapalambot ng etits ng baka, Pagkatapos ng isang oras di pa rin eto lumalambot.

Ano ba yan, bakit di pa yan lumalambot sabi ng mga tatay, isang oras na.

Ewan nga ba, bakit ba hindi pa rin eto lumalambot, sabi naman ng mga nanay.

Lumapit ang isang tatay at tiningnan ang niluluto ng mga nanay. Bigla etong napakamot ng ulo at sinabing “ Kaya pala hindi lumalambot etong niluluto nyo e hinaluan nyo ng kepyas ng baka”!

At sabay ngang nagtawanan ang tatay ko at ang lasenggo.

E alam mo ba na kapag nag masturbate si Pinocchio ay masusunog? Kasi nga kahoy sya!

Tapos tatawa ulit sila. He, he, he... bakit ang bilis tumawa ng tatay ko sa joke nya?

Hindi ako masyadong matawa kasi nga hindi ako sanay nagjo-joke sya. Naalala ko tuloy nung minsan pumunta ako sa bahay ng aking classmate para sunduin sya. Andun sa baba ng bahay yung tatay nyang lawyer. Akala ko naman may binabasa lang, bigla na lang nagsalita eto,

Ne, alam mo ba kung sino ang mas matanda, kung yung bang bibig sa baba o bibig sa taas?

Ano pong bibig? Bibig malapit sa ilong?

Oo, ano nga ang mas matanda?

Baka po bibig sa taas, kasi marunong magsalita.

Tama ka pero hindi yan ang explanation, yung bibig sa baba mas bata kasi isa lang ipin nun at may gatas pa sa labi yun pero yung bibig sa taas, marami ng ipin yun.

Napa-ah na lang ako, isang gesture na nag-aagree ako sa kanya.

Pero teka nga muna bakit ba kasi sinasabi eto sa akin ng matandang eto. Buti na lang dumating na ang classmate ko.

2005-06-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

Dito sa TFDP, hindi shabu ang pinagpapasa-pasahan namin… kundi ang libro ng erotic fantasy..
Tinatago pa namin ni Richie sa blue na plastic habang tina-transfer kay Carlo
Dinaig pa ang mga polyeto… kahit si Doc di dapat makita!
Ngayon na kay Carlo na ang libro.
Ako na sunod dyan.

Kanina tinitingnan ko ang libro.. ang nababasa ko puro wet, wet, wet,
Nakakapalunok tuloy…..

2005-06-24T03:09:00.000-07:00

To a Friend of Mine,

I could not stop you
Because I did the same thing
For now, you are still enjoying
And I could not tell you to drop it
Because like a drug addict, I too might hold on to it.

But for how long?
What we are now was our choice
Our future is again our choice

Sometimes I am just afraid that I might find you with empty hands
I did not see this before because I failed to care about myself
But I care about you now
Saying that I do not want you to repeat the same mistake is not enough
It will never be enough…. and we both know it.
We are the same, we like learning in the hard way.
We think more clearly when we are angry

Because I know, the only way is for you to experience and learn from it
All by yourself...

Anyway I just know that nothing in this world could really destroy you as a person
If there will be tragedy in the future, it will be temporary just like in the past.

Whatever happens, me and Amiel will be here for you.

2005-06-24T01:34:00.000-07:00

Mata

Lagi kong sinasabi sa kapatid ko na bunso, katulad kahapon ng gabi.

Nararamdaman mo ba ang nararamdaman ko na kapag nasa taas ka ng bundok at nakikita ng mata mo ang bilyung-bilyung tao...nagtataka ka... bakit ang mata mo ang nakakakita ng mga taong yun? Hindi mata ng ibang tao? Mata mo lang at ikaw lang ang nasa taas ng bundok.

Sabi ng kapatid ko... hindi nya raw ma-gets.

Kung sino man ang nakakaramdam ng nararamdaman ko, ipagbigay alam nyo po sa akin.

2005-06-23T02:58:00.000-07:00

Anatomy 101

For those who wants to test women’s power over men

Find the vertical tissue (seemingly a line) between a man’s scrotum and his anus.

Concentrate there… as long as you like.

What will you do?

You can either… stare at it,
Smell it…
Draw on it….
Put a sticker on it….
Whatever your hearts desire.

But if he screams, would ask for mercy and would try to grab you

You will get an A+ in this class.

2005-06-21T00:07:00.000-07:00

On anf Off!

What is good about on and off relationships?

You would find doing sex in different places… in the stairs, in the movie houses, on top of a motorcycle, inside the car, in bathrooms, inside a pedicab, in the room of your parents, in the funeral of someone special….

2005-06-20T21:50:00.000-07:00

Deteriorating

I used to dream
I used to hope
I used to believe
Now I have to convince myself

2005-06-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

Lahat ng Una

Naka limang beer na pala si Lisa at di na nya ito halos namalayan. Si Ana, Gina at Lester ay pare-pareho na rin palang lasing.

Mga alas-dos ng umaga, nagyaya ng umuwi si Lisa. Habang binabagtas ng apat ang kahabaan ng aurora blvd., nagkasundo na lang silang mag-check in sa isang motel. Himala at pumayag ang motel na apat sila sa isang kwarto.

Alas-tres ng madaling araw, namalayan na lang ni Lisa na hinhawakan sya ni Lester sa iba’t-ibang maselang bahagi ng kanyang katawan….namalayan nya sa sarili nya na hinahawakan nya rin si Lester sa iba’t-ibang bahagi ng katawan nito.

Kinaumagahan, nagising si Lisa na wala na pala sa tabi nya sina Gina at Ana pero andun pa rin si Lester.

Gawa tayo ng bata? Tanong ni Lester sa kanya.

Sige, sagot ni Lisa habang iniisip na “ anyway di naman ako tatablan nyan! “

Para bang isang dekada na ang lumipas, pero hindi pa rin naka-penetrate si Lester. “Mukhang sa yo lang ako mahihirapan”, sabi ni Lester.

Tumaas ang isang kilay ni Lisa na para bang nayayamot sa sinabi ni Lester as sabay sinabing “ e kasi naman ako na lang sa ibabaw para madali na tayo!”

At habang nasa ibabaw si Lisa ni Lester, bigla na lang nangyari ang akala nyang hindi mangyayari….pumasok at nag-shoot!

Sa pagkakataong yon, para bang biglang tumigil ang takbo ng orasan. Nagulat na lang si Lester nang makita nyang tulala si Lisa.

Hinaplos nito ang buhok ni Lisa at sinabing….ala lagot, di kana virgin Lisa! Ngingiti na para bang nang-iinis.

Sinagot lamang sya ni Lisa ng isang mataray na irap habang iniisip sa sarili na “ e ano naman!”

Maya-maya lang, tahimik na binabagtas ng dalawa ang kahabaan ng aurora blvd. Sa tuwing titingin si Lisa kay Lester, ngingiti ito na para bang nang-iinis. Nasabi na lang ni Lisa sa sarili, “hay naku…”

Kinagabihan, tumawag si Lester kay Lisa at sinabing, Kamusta ka na ? Ano ang ginagawa mo?

Okey lang, kumakain ng ice-cream, sagot ni Lisa

Bakit ice-cream? Tanong ulit ni Lester

Wag mo na kasing itanong, basta okey na! ang nasabi lang ni Lisa.

Pagkatapos ng 10 taon, marami ng bagay ang nakalimutan ni Lisa pero hindi ang lahat ng mga una…. Tulad ng una nyang communion, unang regla, unang halik, unang award sa school, unang salamin na nasira sa cr at ang una syang matulala.

Hindi nya akalain na tatablan pala talaga sya.

2005-06-16T23:05:00.000-07:00

Kapag tinanong mo ba ang isang guy whom you've been dating for several years ng " describe me in one word" and he would look at you seriously at biglang sasabihin, "eto ikaw.....uughhhhh ( mukhang nasa climatic stage sya at katatapos lang)......ma-ooffend ka ba o matutuwa??? pero ako napangiti lang. Ano kaya ibig sabihin noon???