PILGRIMAGE TO AUSTRIA

When I was told by Misty that I will go to Austria, deep inside I was not really excited. Of course I felt that I should be very happy because they chose me and had given me such great opportunity, an opportunity all my co workers in the office would be very happy to have if given the chance. For me, it was more of following an instruction rather than being happy of hearing the good news. So I pretended that I was really excited and delighted. I felt I was not in the position to say no to this trip given the fact that I knew Misty would ask the reason why and I would not be able to justify my answer.

It was more of fear why I had such apprehension. It was fear of being separated from Amiel, fear of riding in airplanes, fear of walking far distances because I knew I would experience that in Austria, fear of not seeing my family and friends for a long time, fear of being in unfamiliar and far place…fear of what would happen to me there….

My first week in Austria was really difficult. It was too cold and I had very few clothes I brought with me. My shoes were not appropriate for such weather. Everyday my stomach aches because of adjustment to different kinds of food. Every now and then my body trembles due to cold winds and I felt so weak. I walked 7 kilometers everyday to go to the venue or join the guided tours around the city. This might be very enjoyable to some but to me it was a challenge and a difficult task. Worst, at first I did not like some of my Filipino companions…I felt I would not be able to make friends with them. Their actions and comments were irritating to me and yet I stayed quiet to prevent more conflicts with them given the fact we were just starting the journey.

Everyday we have to go to different places and organizations like organizations catering for women, children, refugees, feeding centers for street people, gypsies, places/parks were drug addicts hang out, parishes, youth organizations, children carol singers raising funds for our projects, farmers etc. In these organizations, I repeatedly introduced TFDP and explained our work to them especially the human rights situation in the Philippines. At first I noticed that the organizers of the trip were not very familiar with the human rights condition in the Philippines because they only had their exposure on the issues of mining and IPs and the work of the KUMARE ( a women organization). These are organizations where Austrian KAPINTIG group went to in their exposure in the Philippines. This was the reason that they know some of my companions and had already established deep relationship with them.

Their interest grew in human rights when they heard our presentation . Maybe masyado madrama nai-present pero yun ang mga facts eh. They commented that they were impressed with our presentation in the university students, and also during the benefit concert and requested me to be the first one to present human rights issues during our meeting with the Governor of Styria and the meeting with the parliament member of the European Union. Actions were planned out as result of our meeting with the EU. I also took the opportunity during our meeting with the KFB ( Catholic Women’s Movement) to ask them for the possibility of funding women victims of human rights violations and they said there might be possibility , I will just have to try..

Alongside these events were also opportunities to visit the churches. Everyday and every place I go, there was the sign of the cross. I thought this country is just like Philippines…so many symbols of the Catholic faith. In every place I go there was a big and beautiful church but they said very few Austrian are actually going to church. Even in all the places we slept , in all the rooms that we had… there was the cross sign.. I just thought to myself the sign is everywhere. Everyday i see the sign in almost all corners.

One day we had an evaluation for our first two weeks in Austria. Our facilitator asked us to go outside and look at the trees and flowers before we start our evaluation. When I was outside I started to look at the trees and the flowers. I looked at them closely and said to myself they were very beautiful. And then suddenly I felt overwhelmed…tears came out from my eyes..I felt GOD is talking to me through the trees and the flowers..I felt he is saying to me look at these flowers and you will know and understand my greatness…this was your opportunity to really look at the flowers and notice me again… they seemed to be telling me let go of my fears and baggages …then I realized going to Austria was indeed an opportunity…. It was a gift from GOD….as if he is making his presence known to me again through this trip…. I felt incredibly in awe. While I shared this to our group I could not help but cried again. In the Philippines, I never had the time to really look at the flowers and trees.

On the date of my birthday, they said that we will go to the place they call “the SOURCE”. When we were still in the vehicle, I thought to myself this place might be located in the side of the hill. After two hours trip we arrived in the place and it was indeed located in the side of the hill. And I actually dreamt of a house in the hill before I went to Austria . I looked out at my bedroom window and I was overwhelmed again to realize that It was just like in my dream. The bedroom window was in the same location. In that place we had meditations and two old women were the ones facilitating these activities. Well I thought what is this place? I had question before since I was in high school and this was “what is the source of all things?” When we were about to leave the house, one old woman hug me and said to me you have such a very bright spirit and smiled to me .

The day before we went to Belgium, I suddenly had a fear attack but I could not identify the source or the reason.. I just felt bad things will happen.. I prayed so hard to GOD that he will take care of me and my love ones. I prayed to him that as an assurance and as a sign I wish to see red flowers when I went out of the hotel where we checked in the night before. When we went outside of the hotel, I immediately went to a table near to put my bag and while waiting for the rest of my companions I put down my bag and raised by head.. there in front of me were bunch of very red flowers.. I do not know the name of the flowers. I just felt amazed. This might be the sign to stay calm.

I felt GOD helped me survived and coped up with the trip to Austria. He is in the people who walked slowly, held my arms and hands to help me walk the long kilometers so I can go to many places, the people who carried my heavy bags, the person who helped me get up when I fell down in the floor, the person who carried me in his back because my feet were already numb because of the snow. The person who calm me down when I heard my son was sick and the peopIe who invited us to their homes and offered us their food. I could not believe that are still many nice and good people in this world…. I felt GOD reminded me of that in this trip. And by doing so he reminded me that he truly exists. He symbolizes all my good hopes.

I really felt that this trip to Austria was truly a gift…it was also a pilgrimage for me.